Wilkie’s Poo

Possum Tragic

Part VI

With all the good living and prosperous poo production, the population of Wilkie’s farm reached a plateau. She was one of five-thousand-odd worms. While she loved them all dearly she felt it was time to move on. But what lands could Wilkie squirm through next?

As we know, a compost worm has certain requirements, namely, an ample supply of food. While Wilkie could never squirm freely through open lands, somewhere for her to continue spreading magnificent poo did exist.

One day while meditating, the worm gods told Wilkie about a way of life known as permaculture, where worms are thought of with great respect and admiration as they squirm hither and dither underfoot; where worms are considered as godly, sometimes even more so, than the very humans who feed them. Wilkie learnt that Permaculture is a method where humans design a landscape to mimic nature, where worms work together in harmony with all manner of other plants and animals, including humans, and where sustainability is the rule of thumb. There is no wastage of anything and all are happy. This was the place for Wilkie!

And yet by another twist of fate her dreams were again answered. Her scar itched. She padded herself up like she was going in to bat to save another game for her team.

On an ordinary morning Wilkie and all the contents of her farm were relocated to a new place so big, her little head spun. Wilkie found herself in a veritable worm farm resort. There weren’t the stacked trays of her previous farm, rather, just one humungous chamber. She found herself in a bustling metropolis with a million squirming worms.

Wilkie learnt the poo and wee of her new abode was filtered out of the chamber through a complex maze of underground irrigation pipes and fed to an orchard of fruit trees. The systems in place to regulate the immense mass of poo and wee were far too technical for Wilkie. As you would come to expect by now, Wilkie concentrated on what she did best. She made an example of herself for all the worms by pooing like there was no tomorrow.

This might disgust the average person but Wilkie’s chamber had an even broader menu than was at her old farm. Her chamber was part of a sewage system collecting human poo flushed from a toilet above. With her mature palate she didn’t mind the taste even though she had lots of flatulence to begin with. She was doing her part to clean up after those humans and help them look after Planet Earth’s magical soils.

Thankfully the realisation had dawned that humans needed to change their ways by working with worms like Wilkie just as nature intended. They realised the need to re-energise depleted soils and look after those still productive. And what a wonderful realisation! Wilkie’s hard work had paid dividends for Planet Earth. Her superhero status was beyond question.

There was a tickertape parade in Wilkie’s honour, which had a sense of irony because the shredded papers were then eaten by the worms as part of the celebration. Wilkie would have been given the ‘Key to the City’ too but she didn’t have any pockets.

From humble beginnings Wilkie had spread poo over biblical horizons. While sitting back in her favourite peanut shell and pondering her Garden of Eden our little superhero decided it was time to pass the baton. After making so much life Wilkie decided it was time to make some life of both his and her own.

After a long courtship Wilkie mated with another worm in the chamber, and by the pain of the scar around that regenerated body gave birth to a sack of healthy cocoons. Wilkie’s genes were replicated into clone wormlings with a long and prosperous future, like you’d imagine any little worm would hope.

Wilkie our wise old superhero contently eased into retirement. Such a magical life-giver and optimist, such a wonderful role-model for all wormlings, Wilkie became ambassador and spokes-worm for permaculture.

While our little super hero respectfully, almost lovingly looked up to the humans who fed her, she also commanded a great respect and love from them in return. All that magnificent poo had gone quite some way to saving the world but as always there was still much work to be done.

About Blair Paterson

Blair grew up and lives in Sydney’s Inner West. He first realised a love of nature and the outdoors during weekends and holidays with his family on the Hawkesbury River. From humble childhood pastimes building billycarts and tree houses to spending large chunks of time in the bush, Blair now embarks on outdoor pursuits whenever and however possible – by foot, kayak, bicycle or other. He has worked in Environmental Management and currently Outdoor Education. Some of his fondest travels to date have been around Australia and through the Indian Himalayas.
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